Panic Attacks

An interesting day to start this month;

I was happy at first to see the seasons changing and I was hoping this day could set off the positive energy for the month.

But that didn’t happen.

Today was challenging mentally and physically though more mentally than physical as my trauma induced anxiety reacted once more.

It was very stressful and I was barely able to hold myself together and not seem visibly upset.

I managed to do so but I was really close to spiraling into a panic attack once more but thankfully I distracted myself and kept myself grounded practicing some techniques and coping skills.

It seemed to help but it isn’t very consistent when I’m alone without anyone around to pull me out of my spiraling.

The entire month recently seemed to have been difficult and stressful.

I find myself wondering what happened;

A little while ago I felt I was so much better especially with my depression but it seems I have spoken too soon as it has crawled back into my life once more.

I’m finding little to no motivation for much of anything but I always felt too bad to do anything fun anyway.

But more positively,
I can identify a win today and it was good food that I managed to eat most of!

#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety #Trauma

So I have been going around and around in my own mind,I have a rather severely unhealthy fear of death/dying!! And to make matters worse I’m a professing Christian who believes in the Bible and the existence of heaven and hell and I ashamed to admit that I have a hard time trusting in God like I’m supposed to! I know it’s not right but a part of me wants to control God do that I can stop 🛑 any bad things including death from happening to me! It’s not that I want to be ugly towards God but in order for things to get better ❤️‍🩹 and my trust in Him to increase I have to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m not going to die especially anytime soon, and that I’m automatically going to heaven in the event that I do die I need that blessed assurance I watched my son,my dad, and a guy I knew die right in front of me and that doesn’t help anything tbh I’m so tired of fighting back against anxiety attacks and panic attacks every single time I lay down to sleep at night it’s frustrating and scary 😱 and it’s getting really old really fast but I feel powerless to stop 🛑 it because I can’t control death so the way I figure it I’m gonna be stuck like this until I actually pass away and that’s very depressing and my first ex wife is acting like I can’t see my daughter 👧 and I want my own vehicle and my own place because I want to be independent I’m just a big mess is what I am
#Anxiety